I was sitting downstairs working on my laptop when I heard, “Good Lord!  Good Lord!” yelled several times from one of the four kids upstairs playing Wii. 

Let it go or make the most of that teachable moment?

I couldn’t let that one slide, knowing that the child who said it comes from a strong Christian home…and being full of grace that he really just wasn’t thinking about what he was saying.   Up I went, quickly trying to decide the way to approach the situation.  Not wanting to embarrass the friend or single him out, I decided to get the attention of all of the kids and frame the discussion with questions. 

Me:  Who remembers the first two commandments?
Children 1, 2, and 3 chimed in together: 
Me:  Right!  What are some examples of using God’s name in vain?
Child 1:  Ummmmm…are we allowed to say it outloud?
Me:  Ha, yes…for the purposes of this discussion. 
Child 1:  Oh my God!
Child 3:  Good Lord! 

Even as he said it I could see by his face he realized my point.  He was the same one who had been yelling it out earlier at the video game.  I grinned at him so he would know that I wasn’t there to make him feel bad or lecture him.  I told all of them that I know it’s hard to remember to think before we speak, but that we, as Christians, need to be careful about how we use God’s name. 

Me:  Are you talking to or praising God when you say “Good Lord” while playing a video game. 
All 4:  No.
Me:  What about when you are think you are about to be in a car wreck?  Is that using God’s name in vain or are you really talking to God?
All 4:  Really talking to God. 
Me:  Right! 
Child 1:  Plus, there are other things we can say like, “Holy Guacamole!” 

That ended us all on a good laugh! 

For more Scriptures, discussion points, and take action ideas
see the topic of Cursing and Reverence in your copy of
Parenting with Scripture:  A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God. 
Exodus 20:7

I’ve had my fair share of shopping trips where my daughter and I disagree about what is appropriate.  So, I was thrilled to hear how a friend and her brother learned about modesty from her mom and dad. 

My daddy made me feel like a princess.  He loved me no matter what, and he told me I was beautiful.  He and my mom built on that basic security by teaching me modesty in a unique way. 

It was time for school shopping!  I couldn’t wait to get new clothes!  Even better, I could show them off for Daddy in tonight’s family fashion show!

My dad was a great sport.  He sat through countless fashion shows, some long and some short, over the years.  He ooo-ed  and ahhh-ed and told me I looked cute, fun, and beautiful.  What a great daddy! 

As I got older, my mother explained to me how important modesty is, and when we were shopping, we kept that in mind (and conversation).  If we had any doubts about something in the store, we talked about letting Daddy decide.   A really cool addition to this tradition was that my older brother participated, too.  As we started high school, he gave his opinions as well.  There was mostly brotherly teasing sprinkled with some genuine compliments , but what I remember most is the one or two times that he said, “No.”  I listened to what he had to say as a teenaged boy, and I avoided clothes that might have sent the wrong message.

The beauty of this system was in its positive tone and family unity.  What did my parents accomplish?  

• I felt loved and beautiful;
• I became thoughtful about modesty;
• I developed a habit of seeking advice from the godly men who loved me;
• I was closer to my daddy and my brother. 
• My brother was trained to look at clothes critically and seek modest girls to date. 

All this from a fashion show!  I’m so glad my parents were willing to spend the time to teach me and lavish their love upon me!  God blessed me through them.

– Jennifer Santee

Jennifer is a dear friend and neighbor (and mom of 4 boys under 10!) and I’m thankful to her wise parents for the generational impact they are having from making use of those teachable moments!  We have already been blessed by this idea for a couple of shopping trips.  It has made my daughter mindful when making choices that dad and brother will have to “approve” and it takes the heat off of me, co-shopper mom, from being the “nagger!”   Whew!  On the way home from one shopping excursion, I commented that I was glad she made the choice to get the pants a size bigger.  Nine year old brother from the back (who we never think is paying attention, but always is!) quickly added, “Yeah, those other ones were too tight!”   Woohoo!  Little bro is already learning what’s appropriate from his side of the picture.  And, at a more recent visit to the store for swimsuits (heaven help us…literally!), it made all the difference for my daughter in her choices knowing she was going to have to get thumbs up from her daddy and brother.

Hmmm…I just realized I don’t have “Modesty” as a topic in my book, Parenting with Scripture.  However, I think many of the verses and principles from Integrity, Character, Example, Beauty, and others cover the topic in one way or another.

In the hallway at church this Sunday, I heard a great example of a mom parenting with Scripture on the topic of anger.  My friend and neighbor, Jennifer, shared how her 3 1/2 year old had been struggling with anger.  She asked him if God would want him to be angry or happy.  He said, “angry.”  Jennifer suggested that they pray and find out what God says about it.  They looked up the topic and found that Proverbs 22:24 says,

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.” 

I love how she paraphrased to help him understand on his preschool level by saying it means that God doesn’t want us to play with angry people.  She also shared that Colossians 3:12 says,

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” 

She explained how God wants us to be kind, gentle, and patient rather than angry.  After the discussion, his attitude totally changed. 

On to the next day…When the anger flared again, she asked him if he remembered whether God wanted him to be angry or happy.  He replied, “Angry.”  Jennifer persisted and said, “Wait a minute, are you sure?  Do not…” (she paused to give him a chance to think).  Sure enough, that little one chimed in “play with an angry man!” 

Mr. 3 ½ year old had listened and hid God’s Word in his heart through that teachable moment! 

3rd grade began this year for my son, Jake, with hearing rumors of some of the 4th grade boys thinking of a name to call the 3rd grade boys.  My son was on the fringe of all of this and pretty much unaffected.  So, I don’t know the whole scoop.  However, it presented some great teachable moments to discuss name calling.  First of all, it was important to find out if the 4th graders were intending to be hurtful or playful.  Then, I asked what my son’s approach would be if they started calling them this name in a hurtful way. 

Our pastor, Buddy, recently shared a perfect example from his college days.  Being a die-hard Auburn fan, he went with a friend to a rival team’s game, sporting an Auburn jersey.  During the game, an inebriated rival fan got in Buddy’s face and started yelling at him.  Buddy’s friend stood up and said, “If you want him, you gotta’ go through me!”  Neither my pastor or his friend were looking for a fight.  But his friend had the guts to stand up to the bully and was even able to talk him down.   In his sermon where this example was used, Buddy referenced this verse.   

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.  2 Timothy 1:7

The bigger point of the sermon was living out and sharing our faith despite our circumstances.  I realized that for Jake, standing up for what is right on the playground is what that looks like in his 3rd grade world.  Though my karate kid would love to swing into action in such a circumstance, we discussed what would be a more appropriate approach…a more “self-disciplined” one.  Just like Buddy’s friend, I challenged my kids to be the kind of friend that stands up for others and for what is right.  And, they can try to do that with “power, love, and self-discipline.” 

It turns out that the principal handled the situation so there was no need for Jake to intervene.   Simultaneously however, there was a friend of his who had a nickname that I felt needed to be addressed in light of our discussion on name calling.  One of Jake’s friends in his class is a good deal taller and bigger than the rest of the kids.  I overheard that his friends were calling him, “The Giant.”  When I questioned Jake about whether his friend was ok with this or not, Jake said he was and that he knew they were just teasing.  Be that as it may, I know what it’s like as I was called “Too-Tall Kara” in the 4th grade for the same reasons.  While it didn’t truly bother me either, I shared with Jake that I would have appreciated a friend checking with me just to be sure.  I challenged Jake to pull his friend aside and find out how he really felt about the nickname.  He did and the friend is indeed ok with it.  I told Jake I was proud of him for being a good enough friend to ask him. 

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.  Psalm 19:14

“You pray for us to get in trouble?!?!” my kids asked in wide eyed disbelief?  “No,”  I explained, “I don’t wish for you to get in trouble.  However, we all make mistakes.  It’s easier and better to learn from them when we are young.  So, if there are issues that need to addressed, I pray that God allows them to be uncovered so your daddy and I can help teach you through them.”

This discussion was in response to my commenting that a lie that had been discovered was an answer to prayer.  The issue of honesty in my children had been heavy on my heart because I could see one of my kiddos tending in the direction of dishonesty.  I began to fervently pray that God would give me and Tim clear opportunities to address the issue and for the Lord to work in the child’s heart.  The timing couldn’t have been more perfect for the incident.  Tim had just finished up jury duty and the judge shared with the panel that he had recently sentenced a woman to 14 days in prison for lying.  Had she told the truth, she still would have been fined, but spared the prison term.  Tim explained to the kids that it’s similar for us with parenting them.  If they do something wrong, there will be a consequence.  However, if they do something wrong and try to cover it up with a lie, the consequence will be multiplied many times.  

We asked the kids whether they thought we were being loving or mean by teaching enforcing these values.  The jury example helped them connect that we love them enough to help them learn these things now, in order to spare them harsher consequences as adults.  As far as honesty goes, Luke 16:10 (see below) is in frequent discussion at our home.  Whether we can trust them in piddly little things that they might be tempted to think are no big deal, determines whether we can trust them later on with babysitting, driving, etc.  Their choices do indeed have short and long term consequences. 

Grace.  After a heavy discussion like this, I appreciated that Tim reminded the kids that we know they are going to make mistakes (we still do!) and that we will always love them (and so will God)…no matter what! 

Save me, O Lord, from lying lips and from deceitful tongues.
Psalm 120:2

Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much,
and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.
Luke 16:10

Honest is the best policy.
(There’s disagreement in research about who said this first.)

We sat down for our family devotional and I handed Parenting with Scripture to Jake (9 years old) and instructed him to pick a topic for us to discuss.  He decided flip the book open and go with whatever came up.  When he looked at the topic and saw, “Fighting,”  he pumped his fist and yelled “YES!”   LOL!  Boys!  I told Jake’s karate teacher the other day that I think he wishes his life was one big action movie!  Hmmmm…could the Bible live up to his high hopes for an action-packed family devotional?  Indeed it could!  After going through the first few discussion questions listed with references to Scripture on not fighting, we got to what the Bible says we can fight! 

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.  1 Timothy 6: 12

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  2 Corinthians 10:4

Oooooo, weapons!  What are those weapons?  Tim looked up the “armor of God” and we pretended to put each of the parts on as he read. 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  Ephesians 6:10-17

Makes me grin to think how God knew just what my little boy needed to hear that night! 

If you are looking for a family devotional, don’t forget Parenting with Scripture as a topical option. 

I love hearing stories of what Parenting with Scripture looks like in other families!  My dear friend, Amy Henderson, gave me permission to share this one with you…

“Teachable moment! We’ve seen an increase in tall weeds in nearby pastures and open fields. You know the weeds that grow real tall and have the big round purple pom-like flowers on top? Well, one day my daughter, Allie, (5 years) was talking about those “pretty” flowers. That started a discussion that even though they are a seemingly pretty flowers, they are really weeds.
The weeds wore the flower as a disguise to make it look like they were good. I shared that sins are like weeds that often grow really quickly. They can squeeze out the life around it. We saw that when those weeds grew quickly, they multiplied quickly too and you could no longer see the grass or any of the vegetation underneath them. I said it was important to cut down those weeds before they get out of control because then it becomes increasingly harder to manage them. Similarly, sin can grow out of control if we allow it. When we tell a lie, sometimes we tell another lie to cover the original lie and then the untrue story grows bigger and bigger and out of control and quickly becomes a mess!  That’s why it’s so important for us to confess our sins, choose the truth, and avoid sin. This illustration made such a big impression on Allie that she shared with her brother Mason (9 years) and asked me to tell him about the weeds too. It was a great visual teachable moment and anytime we all see weeds now, we think of sin and it’s impact on our lives.”

Way to “capture” a teachable moment! 

My daughter takes horse riding lessons and had a scary incident one day.  The horse was spooked and began acting crazy.  In an effort to avoid being thrown off, she purposely and strategically fell off.  Thankfully, she was fine and her nerves were the only thing bruised.   Her teacher and I told her how proud we were of the way she quickly thought through and handled the situation. 

Late that night, when she was supposed to be asleep, I heard a little tap on our door and saw her sweet head peeking in.  I could tell by her face that something was wrong.  She said that every time she closed her eyes to try to go to sleep, she remembered the frightening moments with the horse.   I wasn’t exactly sure what I could say that could help her, but I knew God had some words!  So, I grabbed Parenting with Scripture and looked up “Fear.”  You’d think I’d have remembered that “Fear” was actually categorized under “Courage,” since I wrote the book!  But I didn’t, so thank goodness I also added a cross-reference index for all of us!  Immediately upon glancing down the page, I knew God’s Word would bring comfort. 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear.  Psalm 46:1-2a

When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  Psalm 56:3

We discussed how she would be able to get back up on a horse the following week by remembering this verse on that same page…

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:14

Any my favorite…

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.   Psalm 4:8

What a perfect Word from God to settle her heart and mind as I tucked her back in.  She was able to go right on to sleep that night.  The following week, she got right back up on a horse like a champ!  God’s Word had provided peace and courage all in that one teachable moment.  I’m grateful I was at a loss for words, because God’s were much better than anything I could have come up with!

This momma friend of mine thought to head to God’s Word when faced helping her 5 year old son break his habit of thumb sucking at bed time. 

William stopped sucking his thumb a couple months ago cold turkey and recently started again. I have let it slide, but tonight we had a long talk about it. I asked, “Why do you need to suck your thumb?”  He said, “I always do.  I need to when I hold my lovey.”  I said, “Well, let’s put lovey away.”  He said, “No way.”  So I got his children’s Bible out his god parents got him and read a few passages on frustration, temptation, and doing the right thing even when you don’t want to.  And guess what?!   He is sound asleep with no thumb.

PS – I have already received a question about why I don’t agree with thumb sucking.  So, let me be clear.  I personally have no opinion on thumb sucking.  The point of this blog was not about the thumb sucking, but about going to God’s Word for whatever your situation might be.

There are two types of teachable moments…when you create them and when you capture them.  
This example encompasses both, so I thought I would share to help explain the different ways of parenting with Scripture through teachable moments. 

We were on our way to Life Group a few months ago and I thought to grab a copy of my book on the way out the door so we could focus on a topic as our family devotional in the car.  We often have “devotions on wheels” if we are going somewhere as a family in the evening and know we’ll be rushed when we get home.  The travel time allows for a more relaxed, leisurely discussion.  Spending time on a topic is a way of creating a teachable moment.  We are going through Parenting with Scripture alphabetically (one topic every week or two) and had come to the topic of Discernment.  We chatted through the definition, discussion questions, and action ideas as we drove along.  Creating teachable moments is wonderful because it allows for a positive and pro-active approach to God’s Word! 

At Life Group, my daughter asked if she and a friend could go play outside.  Noticing she had a cookie in her hand and thinking that I had seen her with one earlier, the following discussion ensued.
Me:  “That’s fine, but no more cookies, please.”
Daughter:  “Oh, this is my first cookie.”
Daughter’s friend:  “No, that’s your second cookie.”
Daughter (blushing)…says her friend’s name in an embarrassed tone. 

Ding, ding, ding, ding….a Teachable Moment to capture!!!  I raised my eyebrows at her but decided that was not the appropriate time or place to have the discussion and made a mental note to follow up later.  I’m so thankful that God gave us His Word on Discernment earlier that afternoon because I probably wouldn’t have thought to take that angle otherwise.  As we pulled into the driveway that evening, I told my daughter to head up to her room and that she was in time out until I came up to visit with her.  The time-out gave me a chance to write some Bible references from the topic Discernment and Honesty.  In discussing the situation, she said that she was just kidding about only having had one cookie and that lots of kids joke about things like that.  Hmmmmm….I wasn’t so sure if that was true or if she was adding another lie to keep from getting in trouble.  Either way, because we had created the teachable moment with Discernment earlier, it was a natural fit to carry that discussion on into this specific situation.  We discussed how Discerning means to “see clearly” the situation and make an appropriate choice.  Was her choice to lie or tease about the cookie a good choice?  No, that was not showing good discernment and we discussed why.   I then gave her the list of four verse references and asked her to look them all up and then write her favorite one on a note-card to think and pray about and memorize if she wished.  I was also clear to distinguish that the Bible verses were NOT her punishment.  Her consequence was to lose her ipod for a period of time.  I don’t ever want my children to look upon God’s Word negatively.  Therefore, whenever we use Scripture reactively, as in this case of capturing a teachable moment (rather than proactively when we have created  a teachable moment), we talk about how God’s Word is a blessing and a “lamp unto our feet.”  Instead of beating them over the head with it regarding the issue at hand, we try to look at in light of how it will help us in future situations. 

Be on the lookout for creating and capturing teachable moments in your own family!  As Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, we can parent with Scripture any time and any place!  “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”