Um yeah, they’re normal kids and I’m a normal mom!

A friend asked me if my kids ever fight.
Then she asked what I do about it. 
I rattled off some techniques that usually work and the conversation moved on.

Then came the HOT DOG FIGHT!
This one may live in infamy.

Fight breaks out over last hot dog after an already rattling day.  Siblings come up with every imaginable argument.  After sitting back 5 minutes and hoping things would work themselves out, mom enters…that would be me.

Mom tries the “I want y’all to sit down and use kind words and nice tones and don’t come back until you’ve worked it out” method.  5 more minutes pass.
Fail. 

Mom tries the “throw in every related Bible verse in the book” method to calm things down.  5 more minutes.
Fail. 

Mom tries the “life’s not fair” speech.  Aaaaand, 5 more minutes.
Fail. 

Mom realizes that 20 minutes of her life has been spent with the unfruitful goal of her children working out a reasonable agreement over a hot dog.  Instead, there are literally tears.
Ridiculous!  NOBODY GETS THE  (tempted to curse here) HOT DOG!

A while later, one kid tries to twist Mom’s words to weasel into getting it!
Mom’s head is in danger of exploding!

Dad comes home and Mom unloads the story.

Dad calls kids into the kitchen where  the table is set with two plates and the hot dog halved on them.

Kids think they are getting to share the hot dog (though they are still fighting about who really should get the whole hot dog)!

Dad says they are going to learn to “honor one another above [them]selves” (Romans 12:10)….
by FEEDING EACH OTHER THE HOT DOG!

BRILLIANT!  Perfect logical consequence!

Lesson for the defeated me?
Sometimes we parents try every trick in the book and still fail…and you know what?  That’s ok!

IMPORTANT P.S. –
This was several months ago and we can all now laugh about it.  And, I did obtain their permission to share this picture and story.  I am very careful to protect my children’s privacy and am conscious that everything I post will be forever “out there.”  Therefore, I try to limit or avoid the posts that could embarrass or undermine my kids.  Please know that we are not a perfect family by any means.  I’m bumbling along in parenting with the rest of you and my kids, husband, and I all make mistakes, do dumb things, etc.  So be encouraged…We’re all in this crazy world together just doing the best we can with our faithful Father’s help!

For more Scriptures and ideas from the topic of Self-Centered,
see Parenting with Scripture: a Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

Aren’t you glad to remember that every family is “normal?”  Whatever “normal” is!  Ha!  🙂 

Whoever came up with the phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!” was a complete idiot!  I saw this Facebook post from a friend and knew it was a “ripe for the picking” teachable moment!

God knew that I was meant to raise little girls…probably in part because I was such a difficult one..but tonight, mama bear’s heart aches for her little girl..she can’t go to sleep upstairs tonight because she heard that some other little girl that she doesn’t know and who doesn’t know her “hates” her…..said girl labeled her as the one with fake red hair and an annoying voice..I guess maybe our Friday night fun (dying her hair) a few weeks back has backfired.

I grabbed my copy of Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments, flipped to the topic of “Meanness,” and dove right a conversation with my kids about what had happened to their friend as described in the post.

The beauty of a making use of a teachable moment like this is that our children can learn from other people’s mistakes, which will aide in preventing them from making the same ones on their own.  They could see how the other girl’s words truly hurt their friend.

This real-life example made these Bible verses come alive and will hopefully help them think before they say something ugly about someone in the future. 

Those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves.
Proverbs 11:17

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 12:18

But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
Matthew 5:44

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice.
Ephesians 4:31

Are you up for discussing the old “Sticks and stones…” saying with your kids today?

Caroline realized her teacher had made a mistake in grading a big test.  More points should have been deducted which would have made her score lower.  Grades especially mattered to this high schooler as college was on the horizon.

Ask you kids, “What would you do in this situation?” 

I’m proud to say that my niece, Caroline,  didn’t even hesitate to do the right thing.  An added blessing is that her teacher appreciated her honesty and left the grade as it was.

In contrast and during that same week, Caroline had a friend who got a good grade for something she didn’t turn in.  Caroline had worked extremely hard and spent much time on this same project and was infuriated that her friend wouldn’t come clean with the teacher.  Instead, the friend made up reasons to justify her action (or lack thereof).

Ask your child, “How would you feel about that situation and that friend?” 

True story.
The more we can help our kids learn from other people’s good and bad decisions, the more prepared they will be when faced with something similar.

Now ask yourself, “How can we connect this teachable moment story to God’s word?”
Remember that you can quickly and easily find out what God has to say about any issue that comes up in Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments!

The verses from applicable topics such as  “Character, Integrity, Choices, and Example” are embedded and bolded below in a letter I wrote to my niece.  It’s a bit lengthy, but I’d like to share the whole thing to show you how teachable moments can often be looked at from different angles.  First of all, I realized that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to positively affirm my niece’s wonderful choice!  Also, it made for an excellent scenario to discuss with my kids as shown above and including the verses below.

Can you see through this example how making use of teachable moments can be powerfully positive and proactive?

Dear Caroline,

It’s been a while since I’ve written you a letter and I’m thrilled for the reason to write you this one. I am so incredibly proud of the way you handled the situation with your grade! It would have been VERY easy for you to just let it slide and not say anything. In being honest, you risked a lower grade. That shows TRUE character and integrity! Both of those traits are just about the most important values in a person. I like to tell Kalli and Jake that character means who you are when nobody is watching. Meaning, if those things are found out, your true colors show. And your colors are glowing beautifully! Stark contrast to the sad colors leaking out of a certain someone. I’m grateful that Kalli and Jake have a cousin they can look up to as a positive example! Kalli had been listening to our conversation at dinner and wondered what was going on. I recounted the situation and we had wonderful discussion. You, my dear, chose the right way…the blessed way. Even if the teacher had counted off, it still would have been the right thing to do! For your steadfast conviction, I am smiling from ear to ear!

These are some of the verses I shared with the kids about character, integrity, and choices. You are right on, girlie! Keep up that faith!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6
(You trusted God’s plan rather than trying to justify to meet your own desires! Bravo!)

I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity.  1 Chronicles 29:17a
(And, Auntie Kara is pleased too b/c that integrity helps make up the one and only beautiful Caroline!)

The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.  Proverbs 10:9(That’s what I’m sayin’. Not your job to bring her to justice. It is already coming back to bite her in the lack of trust and respect she has from her friends. So sad for her. The best way you can be a friend is to pray for her. And, watch out…see next verse…)

Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”  1 Corinthians 15:33

(And by way of another thank you…)
In everything, set them an example by doing what is good.  Titus2:7-8
(Thank you for being this kind of example for your younger cousins who look up to you!)

Love you, dearie,
Aunt Kara

“Why would anyone pay that much for such an UGLY car!” I commented to the kids as we drove along and saw notoriously expensive type of car.

Nephew Daniel quickly responded, “It’s probably luxury on the inside.  Aunt Kara, don’t know you that it’s the inside that counts?!”

Then my daughter playfully chimed in, “Yeah, Mom!  It’s like…Don’t judge a book by its cover!”

Alrighty, if they were going to get all deep with the conversation then I thought would too and claim it as a teachable moment!

“What does the Bible say about our insides versus outsides?” I asked, remembering the topic of “Beauty” in Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 
1 Samuel 16:7b

It turned into a great discussion!

Love making use of those “and when you walk (drive) along the road”  moments as Deuteronomy 6:6-7 exhorts parents to use in the spiritual training of their children!

Keep your eyes open teachable moments during drive time!

Remember, even if you didn’t know a verse off hand,
you can follow up on a teachable moment later at dinner or bedtime
once you’ve had a chance to look it up in Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

Here’s a link and pic from a Forbes article on “10 Most Expensive Cars in 2014.”
This is the Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport Vitesse which starts at a cool 2.5 million.
Seriously?!

I’ve been kicking myself.  Why didn’t I act on my thoughts? 

The kids and I were in our Walmart Neighborhood Marketplace.  I started to get frustrated at how long it was taking the lady in front of me to check out.  That’s when I stopped to actually notice what was happening.  She had coupons for everything (all necessities, nothing frivolous) and was carefully keeping track of the total as things were rung up.  When the total went over $100, she strategically handed things back until the amount was back within her budget.
Honorable.

What happened next made me see that it wasn’t just about sticking to a set grocery amount.  She had a separate pile on the conveyor belt that she was paying for with WIC.  When the cashier rang up those items, he stated her three bottles of juice were not covered.  I could see the woman fretting as she hesitantly handed them back.

My brain was screaming at me, “Step up and kindly/quietly pay for that juice to help this worried woman!”

“No,” I mentally fought back, “I’ll just embarrass her.”  Sadly, this side won.

On the way home, I shared with the kids about what I had seen (they had been oblivious…oh, to be a worry free kid!) and the battle that had raged in my head.  We are all tempted to be embarrassed when generosity is given or received.  There is usually an excuse (or two, or three) not to give, but sometimes we need to overcome that.  On the flip side, there is often difficulty with our pride when we receive generosity, but it shouldn’t stop of us from saying, “Thank you!”

I couldn’t help but think of this verse and vowed to be more mentally prepared to act the next time such an opportunity arises.  And, I pray that my children will have generous hearts, eyes to see need, and the will to gracefully act on it. 

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it’s in your power to help them.
Proverbs 3:27

For more verses, discussion questions, and take action ideas
on the topic of Giving, see your copy of
Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments

 How do you teach your kids to give more freely and spontaneously?  
I’d love to see your ideas in the comment section!

Anyone else’s family enthralled by the athletic competition show American Ninja Warrior?  Together we marvel at the strength of the competitors and are inspired by many of the back stories.

Last Monday, area finalist Geoffrey Motil shared how he made bad mistakes through his 20s and 30s.  However, he went on to say,  “I’ve transformed all these horrible decisions into being honest…it’s on to a new road!” Woohoo!  Durbins were set to cheer him on after that clip!

He had barely begun the first obstacle when we saw him climbing out of the course, thereby disqualifying himself.

What?!  Nobody, including the commentators, could figure out what had happened.

Geoffrey walked straight up to the interviewer and explained that he grabbed on to the back of one of the boards, an illegal move.  In keeping with his desire to live honestly, he immediately jumped out of the course.

He said, “I know what I did.  I’m not gonna cheat.”  The commentator later replied, “Truly an honorable move by the competitor!” 

If you wish to see the clip, click here.  Then, fast forward to the time count of 14 minutes.

Here’s what stood out to us as we discussed this man’s actions –
*Did he keep going and hope that nobody would notice?
*How would he have felt if he had kept going and made it through to the next round?
*How long did it take him to make a right or wrong decision?
                   Split-second!  His heart clearly desires to do what is right!
*How many people would have done what he did?
*What would you have done?

Tips for Teachable Moments:
Remember that you can always expand and follow up on teachable moments later.  In the moment, I paused the episode and we discussed it briefly.  However, it wasn’t until a couple of days later that I followed up with adding in the value what God has to say about that man’s choices.  Don’t let the timing keep you from making the most of it!

Remember to grab your copy of Parenting with Scripture: a Topical Guide for Teachable Moments to help you find verses when something like this comes up!

WOW….SO MANY great Scriptural lessons and principles can come from this real-life example!
Here are just a few:

From the topic “Honesty” – page 122
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much,
and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.
Luke 16:10
Discussion: How trustworthy do you think this man is?  Why?

From the topic “Character” – page 38
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
1 Corinthians 15:33
Discussion:  Would someone like this be a good or bad friend to have?  Why?

From the topic “Integrity” – page 132
The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.
Proverbs 10:9
Discussion:  What are the results of the actions he took?
What would have been the results of his actions if he had kept going?

From the topic “Example” – page 86
In everything set them an example by doing what is good.
Titus 2:7
Discussion:  Is he a good example?
Is being a good example always easy?
Who would you admire more… him or someone who won dishonestly?  Why?

Praying the Scripture:
After our discussion about the related verses, we prayed through the verses asking for God’s help with each topic.  I also added a petition for our Heavenly Father to help each of our hearts be ready to glorify Him in split second decisions through all our actions and words. 

**Disclaimer**
I reminded my kids that we know nothing about this man other that we’ve seen on this show.
We talked about how you can’t necessarily believe everything you see in the media, but that we hope it’s true.  Even so, we talked about how everyone is human.
Therefore, we should be careful not to put any person on a pedestal because none of us are perfect.
That’s why our eyes should always remain on our Savior.

Take Action!
Teachable moments are all around, especially through media, if we just keep our eyes, ears, and minds open to them.

Are you ready to tackle parenting with Scripture like an American Ninja Warrior?
With our Savior’s help, we will make it to the finals! 

Pray for opportunities,
keep Parenting with Scripture: a Topical Guide for Teachable Moments on hand
to quickly and easily find  Scripture to fit the teachable moment topic,
and
enjoy the fruit of helping your kids connect God’s Word to their world!

Clicking on the picture will take you to NBC’s American Ninja Warrior Site.

This anecdote always cracks me up, but proves the point that children often “hear” something different than what we intend…

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and  roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.  As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he  reached the pulpit.  When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear….”

We need to remember to keep this point in mind as we parent with Scripture.
Examples by age –

Young Children:  “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”  –  Little ones love this song and it’s motions.  Without explanation, they may be left wondering, “Who is He?” “Does God have hands that big?!”

Elementary Example:  “Crafty”  – If you have a copy of my book, Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments, you may remember the anecdote from the introductory pages of a mom using this topic in a teachable moment.  If she hadn’t defined the word using the helpful definition from the children’s dictionary included in the Parenting with Scripture topic, her son could have been thinking crafty, like arts and crafts, the whole time.  He would have completely missed the point!

Older Kids, Tweens, Teens Example:  “Die?”  – As we were singing Chris Tomlin’s version of “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross” titled “The Wonderful Cross” at church the other day, I wondered what was going through my kids’ head when we sang these lyrics…
“O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross, Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live.”
Even with a good understanding of Salvation, this abstract wording might be perplexing to children.

Let’s listen to ourselves with child-like ears as we Parent with Scripture and make use of teachable moments! 

 From my all time favorite movie, The Princess Bride –

 Have any funny misunderstandings of “biblical proportion” with your children?
We’d love to read them in the comment section.

Even though hand-writing letters is mostly a thing of the past, I hope hand-written thank you notes never go extinct!  I explain to my kids, as my mother did to me, that because the giver went to the time and expense to get the gift, surely we can take the time to write a thank you card and mail it.

I think thank you notes go a long way in helping children not take for granted what is given to them.  Anybody else have Biblical principles and verses about gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation ringing in your ears?

My mom used to save well-written thank you cards to help me as examples when writing my own.  I haven’t done that (yet), but came up with a method that has been manageable for us as my kids have grown.

The event:
The main time of year we require thank you notes is at birthdays.  My children don’t happen to be the extra-generous types who want people to bring items to donate instead of for them.  (Who are those kids?!  God bless ’em!)  So every year, as presents are opened, I am diligent to write (ahem, scrawl out, unless I’ve shoved the task into a friend’s hand at the last minute) the list of names and what is given.

Get thank you notes started ASAP:
Within the next couple of days, we make a point to get started on the thank you notes.  Not only is it courteous to be timely with a thank you, I find that the longer we put it off, the worse our attitudes get.  I want to help foster appreciation for the gifts, not a dread of writing hanging over their heads. 

With the gift list and note cards ready, I mark off how many the child needs to work on per day.  This depends on the age and ability of the child, as well as how many gifts were received.  They love checking them off as they complete them!

Age-appropriate thank you note formats:

Preschool  & Kinder-  Explain what you are doing and give them a space and a crayon to “write” in addition to what you have written for them.  You might ask what they “wrote” and add the translation by their note.  When they are able, they can sign their name.  Young children can also help lick the envelopes and put on stamps.  (Depending on how much time you want to spend on them, you could also purchase blank sets of note cards with envelopes and let them decorate the front side with rubber stamps, stickers, and coloring.)

1st – 4th grade – This age range can begin to use more and more of their writing skills.  On the sample below, I’ve shown the progression I used with my kids.  They would fill in the underlined portions and I would do the rest.   With each progressing phase, we would discuss the sample and I would write out a “master” so they could use it for reference as they worked.

1st Grade:
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game.   I am going to have a blast with it!  I’m glad you could celebrate my birthday with me!
From, Jake
(Encourage input for wording to reflect their style and thoughts.)

2nd Grade:  
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game.   I am going to have a blast with it!  I’m glad you could celebrate my birthday with me!
From, Jake
(Encourage input for wording to reflect their style and thoughts.)

3rd Grade:
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game!   I am going to have a blast with it!
(Or let them modify with their own words, like “Tyler, Thanks for the game.  I love it!  You rock!  Jake”)
From, Jake

4th Grade:
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game!  I am going to have a blast with it!  I’m glad you could celebrate my birthday with me! 
From, Jake
(Encourage input for wording to reflect their style and thoughts.)

5th Grade and beyond:
By this point, they should be capable of writing thank you notes on their own.  Practice with them on coming up with their own thoughts for the wording.  Below is the formula I use in teaching my kids.   I write it out for them so they can keep it in mind as they write.  I encourage at least three sentences, but remind them it doesn’t hurt to write more.

Dear Name,
Thank you for the name of item.  Say something nice about the item or how you will enjoy using it.  Tell them you are glad they celebrated your birthday with you or appreciate them remembering your birthday.
From or Love, Name

Addressing Envelopes:
I’d rather my kids spend their energy writing the actual thank you notes than addressing them.  I wait until the writing process is not tedious and time-consuming for them before adding in the envelope portion.

Before your child’s next birthday, consider going over the topic of Appreciation
in Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.
You’ll find related Scriptures, discussion questions, and Take Action ideas to help you reinforce this important subject.

 Have a thank you note writing tip?  Please share in the comment section!

As I am ever battling perfectionism, I was almost giddy when I heard my wise friend, Laura Zych, use a much improved version of “Practice makes perfect!”  It makes SO much more sense to say, “Practice makes better!”   She has no idea where she first heard it and it makes me wonder why it’s not more common of a saying.

Let’s start a new trend, folks! 
Let’s banish the notion of “perfect” and embrace “better” as the greater thing! 
Y’all with me?!

It’s helpful for me to remember that God does NOT say, “So whatever you do, do it perfectly.”
He says,

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 
1 Corinthians 10:31

For more on the topic of Perfection, refer to your copy of Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

Click here to see the rest of the “What my kids hear a lot!” Series

PS – Even as I’m proofing this post, the perfectionist in me is itching to make my humble attempt at the image more perfect.  But, guess what?  I’m gonna’ let it go!  🙂

God surprised me this trip in how He used vacationing with Scripture in our lives….well, actually the adults’ lives!  Most of what I do in parenting with Scripture is designed to help teach my kids.  And yet, because God’s Word knows no boundaries of age, I’m often impacted as much or more than my children (which shouldn’t be surprising!).  Such was the case this spring break.

You may remember that a few weeks ago, I shared that my son picked Philippians 4:6-7 as our verse for this trip.  My daughter decorated this card to take along with us as a reminder.  See here about picking a verse and then here and here if you wish to read about our past experiences with vacationing with Scripture.

As we started our 14.5 hour trek from Dallas, TX to Keystone, Colorado, we discussed the verse and how it might apply.  We prayed for travel mercies, health, and safety on the slopes, thanking God as the verse instructs.  But honestly, the verse card sat on the dash and then in our condo, unmentioned for the rest of the week.  It wasn’t until the night before we left that this Scripture became truly alive for me.  We had been watching the weather carefully, knowing that a snowstorm would be hitting our area of the mountains early in the morning.  We decided to leave by 5 AM to try to get out before it started.  I lay in bed that night, unable to sleep, fretting about driving in potentially hazardous conditions.  That’s when Philippians 4:6-7 popped back into my mind.  What a comfort to have a way to work through what we are struggling with through the power of God’s Word!  I followed the instructions in the verse and was able to fall asleep in peace.  I woke up early the next morning and was relieved to see no flurries as I peaked out the window. 

However, as we began descending through the mountain passes in the pre-dawn hours, this was our view out the front windshield. 

During the hour of driving through this on windy, slick roads, I again claimed our vacation verse.  Over and over and over.  It reminded me to be thankful for the snow, as it was the very thing that we drove all the way to Colorado to enjoy!  And enjoy it we had throughout the preceding week. 

13 hours later as we were heading back into the Dallas area, I asked the kids if they had thought about our theme verse at all that week.  Nope.  But, my sister-in-law who was riding with us, and I certainly had!  I shared with the kids my reason to claim the verse and my sister-in-law shared with us a completely different one.  Her daughters (my sweet nieces and my children’s adored older cousins) are both the furthest they’ve ever been away from home and looking for jobs in industries that are a bit precarious.  Turns out, she had been leaning on our trip verse the whole week as she walked through the ups and downs of the job hunt updates with them. 

She and I discussed with the kids how this is a perfect example of why it’s good to hide God’s Word in our heart through memorization…it’s there when we need it!  And, we reminded them that though Mr. 9 year old picked the verse, it was the mommas who needed it this go ’round..reinforcing the point that we don’t outgrow God’s Word!

A few nights later, during our family devotional, I was reminded of our trip verse came up once again.   Our Lenten Tree book reminded us of the story of Jesus being tempted in the wilderness to turn stones into bread.  I asked the kids if they remembered how Jesus fought back?  His Father’s Words…Scripture!  We can do that, too!  Since my son seems to think and often act as if he lives in an adventure movie, anything related to action appeals to him.  I reminded my kiddos about the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) and how the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God!  We can fight with it just like Jesus did! 

Whack!  Whoosh!  Slice!  Jab!  “Take that, worry!  Be gone, anxiety!”  I exclaimed as I wielded my invisible sword representing Philippians 4:6-7.  That’s what it feels like to use Scripture in a real life battle!

When we are faithful to be in His Word, we will surely be blessed by having it on our hearts and minds. 

To find topical Scriptures, don’t forget to look in your copy of
Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.