Fight is a bit of an aggressive word and can be construed many different ways.  So, I’ll define it as is typical in my marriage.

Fight (Durbin Marriage Style) – verb, when Kara and Tim bicker back and forth or have heated discussions in raised and irritated tones.  synonym – argument

One evening, Tim and I began squabbling over I can’t even remember what in front of the kids as he was headed back to shower.  Because of our almost 19 years of marriage (+5 prior years of dating), I knew 2 things:
1.  That neither of us was truly mad at the other.
2.  That we would resolve the issue before we went to bed.
Do not let the sun go down while you are angry.  Ephesians 4:26b

But as I glanced at my two kids sitting on the couch, a thought occurred to me.
Did our children know those two things?!

I called Tim back and we decided to work it out in front of the kids so they could see how Mom and Dad deal with conflict resolution.

We explained that…

• Yes, Mom and Dad do have fights/arguments.  They’ve seen it before.
• Even when we are trying to work things out and it seems like we are totally frustrated with each other (which we usually are!), we still love each other.  Both feelings are possible at the same time.  Love is patient.  1 Cor. 13:4a
• Sometimes one of us has to walk away, like Daddy did earlier so we can calm down before trying to resolve the issue.   Refrain from anger and turn from wrath.  Psalm 37:8a
• We never call each other names or get physical in our arguments.  That crosses the line.  Love is kind. 1 Cor.13:4
• Sometimes we have to agree to disagree.  And that’s ok, too.
• We try to never let the sun go down on an heated argument.  Do not let the sun go down while you are angry. Ephesians 4:26b

Then we carried on with our argument turned conversation, allowing the kids to see us work it out.

I think the benefits of this were many –

• The kids saw Mom and Dad practicing what they preach.
• They realized conflict resolution is skill they will need all their life, so they might as well keep practicing with siblings and friends!
• They saw that conflict is normal.  The important thing is how it is handled.
• They felt security as Mom and Dad explained that the squabbles don’t change their love and commitment to each other.  (Single parents – These same principles can be demonstrated with a good friend or even parent to child!)
• They heard how the Bible has practical helps in dealing with conflict.

The next time a “fight” begins in front of your kids, consider blessing them with a similar teachable moment!  PS: Though I think this a great idea and helpful to play out in front of your kids every so often (when appropriate), in general I’m not a fan of arguing or fighting in front of the kids. 

For more verses, discussion questions, and take action ideas on the topic of “Fighting,” see your copy of Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

We sat down for our family devotional and I handed Parenting with Scripture to Jake (9 years old) and instructed him to pick a topic for us to discuss.  He decided flip the book open and go with whatever came up.  When he looked at the topic and saw, “Fighting,”  he pumped his fist and yelled “YES!”   LOL!  Boys!  I told Jake’s karate teacher the other day that I think he wishes his life was one big action movie!  Hmmmm…could the Bible live up to his high hopes for an action-packed family devotional?  Indeed it could!  After going through the first few discussion questions listed with references to Scripture on not fighting, we got to what the Bible says we can fight! 

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.  1 Timothy 6: 12

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  2 Corinthians 10:4

Oooooo, weapons!  What are those weapons?  Tim looked up the “armor of God” and we pretended to put each of the parts on as he read. 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  Ephesians 6:10-17

Makes me grin to think how God knew just what my little boy needed to hear that night! 

If you are looking for a family devotional, don’t forget Parenting with Scripture as a topical option.