As I sat in church next to my sweet teenage niece, I couldn’t help but notice that she chewed and picked on the skin around her nails throughout the entire service.  I tried to decide whether to just let it go or say something.  I sent up a quick prayer asking my Father to give Auntie Kara wisdom as to what to do.  Later in the hour, He gave me my answer.  I remembered doing exactly the same thing as a teen and my mom kindly saying, “Kara, you’re to pretty to pick at your nails like that!”  Brilliant, she was!  In that one simple sentence, she knew that the sincere compliment would mean enough to me that it would impact my action better than if she had just incessantly nagged at me about not doing the unsightly habit.   “Lord, please give me such wisdom in my words as I parent my children!” 

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5

Stop, look, and listen is another thing my mom did well when I had something to tell her.  Whether as a child or an adult, I can remember her often stopping what she was doing so she could give me her full attention.  Admittedly, this is not easy for me to do as a mom.  I’m a busy body and very task oriented, so it’s difficult for me to stop in the middle of something and switch gears.  However, if I know I can’t take time right then to listen adequately, I try to stop long enough to give eye contact and give my child a specific time when I will be able to listen.  Then, the trick is remembering to follow-up!  Another thing I have to work at being conscious of is that what may be important in a child’s world is not always the same as what I think is important.  For example, I couldn’t care less about Star Wars, but that’s one of my son’s current love languages.  🙂  Not that I haven’t nodded and said “hm….interesting” my fair share.  But, I’ve also noticed it brings him joy when I stop what I’m doing, look at him, and listen to his stories of other galaxies.

“It’s up to each parent to use eye contact to convey unconditional love.”  Dr. Ross Campbell in How to Really Love Your Child
This book has two great chapters called “How to Show Love through Eye Contact” and “How to Show Love through Focused Attention” that detail just how powerful the act of  stopping, looking, and listening can be in parenting.

“My dear brothers, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  James 1:19

It’s been a joy to reflect on all those things that I heard growing up that are now coming out of my mouth!
I hope it’s caused you to think of a few gems of your own.  If you did, take a moment to tell your mom how thankful you are for those sayings that you are passing along to your children.  I don’t mean to be dramatic, but do this today while you are thinking about it.  I say that because my precious mom went to be with the Lord a couple of years ago.  I wish with all my heart that I could call her up and thank her specifically for these things I’ve been blogging about.  So, for those of you who are blessed to still have your moms around, take this opportunity to share with her how those little phrases stuck with you and how you are now driving your kids crazy with them!  Oops, did I say that?  I meant to say “share how you are now imparting the same wise word on them.”  😉

“I thank my God every time I remember you.”  Philippians 1:3 

This isn’t one specific thing Mom said over and over, but the manner in which she would always bring verbal encouragement to people…

The art of “gushing!”

Mom was a master at going beyond a simple compliment and knowing how to sincerely gush over something.   Somehow she knew just the thing to say to make friends, family, and strangers alike feel good.  Recently, my niece was reminiscing about how she loved to go show off her new school supplies to her Grandmama (my mom) because she could go on and on like no other about what nice selections were made, how organized everything was, how she loved the colors, etc.  Mom managed to carry this out without a hint of superficiality because it truly came from her sweet heart.  If Mom noticed a store clerk was kind, she would tell the person specifically what that meant to her or how much she appreciated it.  If she noticed beautiful curls on a lady in front of her in line, she’d tell her in such a lovely way that I’m sure the lady was on cloud nine the rest of the day.    I can’t say I’m as good at it as Mom was, but I’m trying.  When I think of an encouragement or compliment and am tempted to just let the moment pass, I remember Mom’s example and go ahead and start gushing…and am usually blessed by the effort!

To extend this to parenting, I know Mom’s sincere gushing did wonders for my self-esteem and character building.
So in parenting my children, I try to gush about as many positives as often as I can.

 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.   1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Blame it on me!”

When I was dating in high school, there was a boy I wasn’t comfortable with who asked me on a date.  It wasn’t an issue of whether the boy was ok to date.  He would have been on the “approved” dating list by my parents.  I just felt insecure about going out with him.  Mom knew that and much to my relief, she gave me the perfect out…”Blame it on me!”  Clearly that phrase stuck in my head because it was so meaningful to me.  Even though I haven’t had an occassion to use it yet, it’s definitely floating around in my brain ready to go when the need arises!

Thought of anything your mom said to you that you are now saying to your kids?  Please share!

“Just smile and be nice!” 

This one is so helpful in numerous situations for me even now and my kids!
When someone is being really annoying…”Just smile and be nice!”
When you’re having to wait because someone in front of you in line is taking forever…”Just smile and be nice!”
…You get the picture!

Share your “momisms” with us by commenting below!

“A happy heart makes the face cheerful!” Proverbs 15:13

“Adapt!”

Oh my goodness, that one brings back memories!  I’m not known for being the most flexible person so there were innumerable times growing up when I would be circumstantially thrown off the “planned” course for the day and Mom would simply say, “Adapt!”  Merriam-Webster’s Student Dictionary defines adapt as “to change so as to fit a new or specific use or situation.”  Usually that change needed to happen in my attitude.  And so it goes with my kids.  When a friend can’t come over as planned…”Adapt!”  When it’s raining when we were supposed to go to the park…”Adapt!”  Truth be told, I’m saying it as much for my benefit as theirs!

It comforts me to know that in this world of change, there is one thing that will never change…
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8

Hearing your mom’s words echo in your head?  Please share!

“We don’t hate, we strongly dislike!”

This one makes me chuckle!  Whether it was broccoli or a meanie at school, I was not allowed to use the word “hate!”  Rather, I was told instead say “strongly dislike.”  Mom’s intent was good.  I know she was just trying to help me think more carefully about what I was actually saying.  And it worked!  Now I still reserve the word “hate” for truly horrible things and am teaching my children the same principle.

Because I’m so sensitive to the word hate, it’s been interesting for me to make note of the things that the Bible says God hates.
Here’s just one reference on the subject…
“There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:  haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”
Proverbs 6:16-19

Please share if you are continuing the trend with any “momisms.”

Remember all those things your mom used to say that drove you crazy?  I bet you’re hearing a few of them come out of your mouth now!  I am…and I sort of cringe and smile all at the same time.  I remember knowing deep down she was right but not wanting to admit it.  Now that I’m a mommy, I know she was right.

Night Owlism (I made up that term) runs strong in our family.    As I would be in bed at night, not able to sleep, I would hear my mother say,

“If you can’t sleep, just rest.  Your body needs rest even if you can’t fall asleep yet.”  

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!  I can still remember the frustration as a child thinking, “That’s not helpful!”  But rest is what I would do…and it was good for me whether I wanted to admit it or not.  As I grew into an adult and continued to struggle with falling asleep, I began to comfort myself with those very words!  And now that I have a daughter who is also afflicted with Night Owlism, I find myself using that phrase often.  She, too, looks at me a bit incredulously.  But if I were a betting woman, I’d bet that she’ll be saying the same thing to her child some day!

Now it’s your turn to share!  What did your mom say that you find yourself repeating?

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you along, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  Psalm 4:8