I heard a former missionary say how the American kids and teens they met internationally were almost always the least well mannered (of all the other nationalities) in greeting and talking with adults.

It’s sad to me that I find myself surprised when a child or teen politely talks, has good eye contact, can carry on a conversation, and act interested in something besides themselves.

We, at the Durbin household, are bumbling along with this just like most every American home.  And trust me, we have much progress to make!  That’s why I keep my eye out for resources to help with good manners!  There are maaaany others (including free online articles, printable flash cards, games, etc), but here are our four favorites.

Younger children:
We had fun going through these at many a meal time when my kids were little.
Eeboo Good Manners Flash Cards

Older children/teens:
We are still working our way through this great tool.
Manners Made Easy for the Family:  365 Timeless Tips for Every Occasion

More recently I came upon this article in the March 2014 issue of Family Fun Magazine.  It’s chock full of fun, interactive ways to help teach different aspects of manners.

Plus, don’t forget that many principles behind good manners are Biblical.  For verses, discussions points, and take action ideas, see topics such as Respect, Hospitality, Kindness, etc. in your copy of Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments

Show proper respect to everyone.  1 Peter 2:17

What’s your favorite tip or resource for teaching manners to your kids?

May I please rant a bit in this post?

I’m sure I’ve missed an RSVP or two in my day.  None of us is perfect.  There is grace.
However, not RSVP’ing is one of my biggest pet peeves.  It’s downright disrespectful to the host(s).  

Please, let us teach our children the importance of RSVP’ing, in a timely manner, I might add.  If you have ever hosted something, you know it is difficult and costly to plan if you don’t know how many people to expect.  It might be instructive to discuss this point specifically in relation to the next party your child is invited to.

I’m starting to teach my kids to RSVP for their own parties to help get them in the habit.

Evites, the invite of choice these days, are a bit tricky b/c they still come to me, the parent.   I have my kids help me check the calendar, type a nice note in the comment section, and write the event on the calendar as we RSVP online.  This way they still experience the process.

Parents of littles, I wish I had started this as soon as they could talk, so it would be “just what we do as soon as we receive an invitation.” 

Case in point –
If I was only half-hearted about having my children RSVP for themselves when I drafted this post earlier this year, I’m certainly confirmed in that decision now.  As one of the hostesses for a high school senior graduation party,  I was horrified that only two of the invitees RVPD’d on time (or shall I say their mother’s did!) without prompting by the guest of honor.  Remember, we are talking high school seniors here.

I know, I know, I can hear the arguments now….it’s better for the mothers to do it then for it to not happen at all.  And, you can’t make  your teen be polite. True and True.  But since when did we start having such a low view of what can and should be expected of our kids?! 

Not RSVPing is just a small symptom of a muuuuuch larger problem of  low expectations and youth entitlement. 
I’ve read a couple of eye-opening and helpful books on the topic that I highly recommend!  They radically changed the way I think about parenting as my kids head into the teen years –

Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations by Alex and Brett Harris

Cleaning House: A Mom’s Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement  by Kay Wyma             

To me, RSVP’ing is a form of being respectful…
Show proper respect to everyone. 
1 Peter 2:17

For more verses, discussion points, and take action ideas on the topic of Respect,
see your copy of
Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments

 Who’s with me in this pet peeve?

Click here for more of my Southern Hospitality Series.

I grew up helping my mom deliver baked goodies to every new neighbor that moved in around us.  When you grow up with something, you tend to assume that everyone does things the same way.  Either time has wilted hospitality in general or it’s not as common of a practice as I had assumed.  I think it’s probably both.

When we moved into our new neighborhood 3 years ago, I was sort of stunned that nobody came to meet us.  In fact, the neighbor that did end up popping by with a surprise and to say “welcome” was a gal I had met at the neighborhood pool.  They lived several blocks over and had moved from out of state a few months before us.  It was fresh on her mind what it felt like to be the new kids on the block!

I now know the neighbors on our street are lovely folks!  How?  Instead of dwelling on my frustration of nobody making an effort to come meet us, I decided to turn the table.  We had been here six months and it was New Year’s.  The kids helped baked up some treats, bag them, and attach tags that said something like, “Happy to celebrate this new year with you as a neighbor!”  Then, we added our address and contact information.  The kids and I delivered them door, leaving them as a surprise for those who weren’t home.   The response was great and it helped pave the way for future interactions and friendships.

Now as new neighbors move onto our part of the block, we make our way over to meet them.  It’s not about the treats or baked goodies, it’s the thought and the welcome that count!  We just happen to enjoy an excuse to bake and the smiles that the yummies add to our greeting.

And, it’s never too late!  We weren’t sure when a family moved in at the end of our block.  We has seen the “For Sale” sign come down, but never saw anyone moving or people coming and going.  Months went by and we finally decided we would just go down and knock.  Now it’s a year later and they are our best friends on the street!

Hope this encourages you to reach out to those neighbors around you, old and new.  Otherwise,  you might be missing out on giving and receiving blessings! 

For more verses, discussion points, and take action ideas, see the topic of Hospitality in your copy of
Parenting with Scripture:  A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments

Practice hospitality.  Romans 12:13b

 Click here to see the rest of my Southern Hospitality Series.

Please share in the comment section if you have a special way you like to welcome new neighbors.
Or, share a meaningful way you were welcomed.

Even though hand-writing letters is mostly a thing of the past, I hope hand-written thank you notes never go extinct!  I explain to my kids, as my mother did to me, that because the giver went to the time and expense to get the gift, surely we can take the time to write a thank you card and mail it.

I think thank you notes go a long way in helping children not take for granted what is given to them.  Anybody else have Biblical principles and verses about gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation ringing in your ears?

My mom used to save well-written thank you cards to help me as examples when writing my own.  I haven’t done that (yet), but came up with a method that has been manageable for us as my kids have grown.

The event:
The main time of year we require thank you notes is at birthdays.  My children don’t happen to be the extra-generous types who want people to bring items to donate instead of for them.  (Who are those kids?!  God bless ’em!)  So every year, as presents are opened, I am diligent to write (ahem, scrawl out, unless I’ve shoved the task into a friend’s hand at the last minute) the list of names and what is given.

Get thank you notes started ASAP:
Within the next couple of days, we make a point to get started on the thank you notes.  Not only is it courteous to be timely with a thank you, I find that the longer we put it off, the worse our attitudes get.  I want to help foster appreciation for the gifts, not a dread of writing hanging over their heads. 

With the gift list and note cards ready, I mark off how many the child needs to work on per day.  This depends on the age and ability of the child, as well as how many gifts were received.  They love checking them off as they complete them!

Age-appropriate thank you note formats:

Preschool  & Kinder-  Explain what you are doing and give them a space and a crayon to “write” in addition to what you have written for them.  You might ask what they “wrote” and add the translation by their note.  When they are able, they can sign their name.  Young children can also help lick the envelopes and put on stamps.  (Depending on how much time you want to spend on them, you could also purchase blank sets of note cards with envelopes and let them decorate the front side with rubber stamps, stickers, and coloring.)

1st – 4th grade – This age range can begin to use more and more of their writing skills.  On the sample below, I’ve shown the progression I used with my kids.  They would fill in the underlined portions and I would do the rest.   With each progressing phase, we would discuss the sample and I would write out a “master” so they could use it for reference as they worked.

1st Grade:
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game.   I am going to have a blast with it!  I’m glad you could celebrate my birthday with me!
From, Jake
(Encourage input for wording to reflect their style and thoughts.)

2nd Grade:  
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game.   I am going to have a blast with it!  I’m glad you could celebrate my birthday with me!
From, Jake
(Encourage input for wording to reflect their style and thoughts.)

3rd Grade:
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game!   I am going to have a blast with it!
(Or let them modify with their own words, like “Tyler, Thanks for the game.  I love it!  You rock!  Jake”)
From, Jake

4th Grade:
Dear Tyler,
Thank you for the game!  I am going to have a blast with it!  I’m glad you could celebrate my birthday with me! 
From, Jake
(Encourage input for wording to reflect their style and thoughts.)

5th Grade and beyond:
By this point, they should be capable of writing thank you notes on their own.  Practice with them on coming up with their own thoughts for the wording.  Below is the formula I use in teaching my kids.   I write it out for them so they can keep it in mind as they write.  I encourage at least three sentences, but remind them it doesn’t hurt to write more.

Dear Name,
Thank you for the name of item.  Say something nice about the item or how you will enjoy using it.  Tell them you are glad they celebrated your birthday with you or appreciate them remembering your birthday.
From or Love, Name

Addressing Envelopes:
I’d rather my kids spend their energy writing the actual thank you notes than addressing them.  I wait until the writing process is not tedious and time-consuming for them before adding in the envelope portion.

Before your child’s next birthday, consider going over the topic of Appreciation
in Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.
You’ll find related Scriptures, discussion questions, and Take Action ideas to help you reinforce this important subject.

 Have a thank you note writing tip?  Please share in the comment section!

Anyone else read Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages or one of the spin-off versions?
I can’t tell you how many times this information has helped me in all sorts of relationships.

For parents, I particularly recommend The 5 Love Languages of Children and The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers.  These have been instrumental in teaching me how my own children give and receive love.   For more valuable resources, see www.5lovelanguages.com.

As an author, it doesn’t get much better than being asked to have an interview with an writer whose work has been so influential in my life!

Recently, I had the honor and privilege of being a guest on Dr. Gary Chapman’s radio show, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman.

What a joy it was to speak with him and personally share how much his writing has meant to me!  And, what a thrill to hear how much he appreciates my book!

Gonna be in the car a while, doing laundry, or working out? 
Click here to listen online if you want encouragement, ideas, and practical help for learning how to parent with Scripture.   You’ll even get to practice by putting yourself in the shoes of another parent as I challenge you to think through what you would do and teach the easy steps to parenting with Scripture.

PS – This time, please disregard my “That’s a great question!” introductions to each answer!  I need to get a new stalling technique while trying to think quickly what to say!  Suggestions welcome!  🙂

I thought I’d touch on some oldies, but goodies today and also let you know what to look forward to!

Happy Memorial Day!  For those with older children/teens, you might find it interesting to read and discuss the poignant true story I mentioned in this Memorial Day blog from last year.

If you have plans to go on vacation or have a staycation, don’t forget about Vacationing with Scripture and that the memories and teachable moments it creates are more valuable than any souvenir you could bring home!

Many of you are newer subscribers and didn’t see my Summer Fun Series from 2012.
Scroll through to see ideas for:
*Media with Scripture
*Good Deeds Day
*Playing with Scripture
*Praying with Scripture
*Cooking & Snacking with Scripture
*Singing with Scripture

Stay tuned!  This Texas born and bred blogger can’t go any longer without sharing some thoughts and ideas through my upcoming Southern Hospitality Series.  I’ll try to stay off my high horse!  🙂

And, don’t forget to keep an eye out for those teachable moments that pop up!
Keep your copy of Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments handy.

Do you have a favorite way to “play” with Scripture?  Please share in comment section!

Making your family plans for summer?  Swimming, vacation, camp…?
Consider being intentional about parenting with Scripture and incorporating a special plan during these off-school months.  Summer is a great time to shake things up and try something new with family devotionals.

These are some resources that we have had fun with through those hot months
(and other times) as my kids have grown. 

Browse through and see if any catch your interest!

Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments as a topical devotional guide –
All ages

My ABC Bible Verses has excellent verse related stories, but you can also Google or check Pinterest for something like “ABC Bible verses” and come up with free lists.  Discuss, meditate, and memorize (if you are ready for a challenge) 2-3 verses a week and you’ll cover the summer!  Or, spread it out making it a multi-year summer plan.
Preschool – Elementary

20 Bible Verses Every Child Should Know (with cd) – Looks like this one is out of print, but you can still find used copies.  This will always be the “sound of summer ’09” for us!
Preschool – Elementary

God’s Names – This is a wonderful overview of God’s names.  I’ve even learned a few things!
All ages

Walk through what Bible Study looks like with your child.  Kay Arthur has a number of Bible Studies written for kids.  We have enjoyed starting  Boy, Have I Got Problems! James  and hope to finish up this summer.
Older Elementary – Middle School

You might also find some resource ideas from my blog earlier this year about family devotions.
All ages

Or, you may enjoy sprinkling these creative ideas throughout your summer as ways of incorporating Scripture-
Scroll down through these Summer Fun Ideas.
All Ages

It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.
Psalm 74:17

What’s your plan? 

Toddler Kalli looked at me sternly and yelled, “Go away!”  complete with shoving motions. 

Oh my!  Wherever did she learn that?!  I soon found out.   It was from her daddy and a Bible story!

That evening, I overheard Tim telling her a bedtime Bible story from The Story of Jesus  I was so proud to hear how he had turned that little picture book into an interactive experience for her…until I heard them yelling in unison, “Go away!”
What?! 
They had come to the part of the story where children were coming to Jesus.  The book says that His friends said, “Go away” and they had been really getting into the part!

Ha, it took a simple correction of just reminding Kalli that we don’t talk that way to other people.

But, my take-away was the value of turning a simple preschool Bible story into an active learning time! 
Here’s how Tim did it.

• Motions and preschool words for The Story of Jesus:
  (Suggestions are page by page)*Hug yourself to show how much Jesus loves us.
  *Pat the nativity picture and say “Happy Birthday, Jesus!”
  *Walk in place going to church for Easter.
  *Point and count the 12 disciples.
  *Pat someone and say “Jesus loves you!”
  *Say, “Go away!” and make shewing motions (if you dare!)
  *Say, “Come on!” and make “come here” motions with your hands.
  *Pat boy in picture and say, “Feel better!”
  *Rub tummy like hungry.  Count rolls and fish in picture.
  *Say, “Here ya’ go!” and pretend to share with your hands.
  *Make praying hands.
  *Read the words and encourage your preschooler to repeat along as well.  This is based on 1 John 4:19.  With repetition of this book your little one will have learned this Bible verse!

We love because he first loved us.  1 John 4:19

Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”  Matthew 19:13-14

For more ideas on bringing Scripture into the everydayness of every day,
see your copy of Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

As I am ever battling perfectionism, I was almost giddy when I heard my wise friend, Laura Zych, use a much improved version of “Practice makes perfect!”  It makes SO much more sense to say, “Practice makes better!”   She has no idea where she first heard it and it makes me wonder why it’s not more common of a saying.

Let’s start a new trend, folks! 
Let’s banish the notion of “perfect” and embrace “better” as the greater thing! 
Y’all with me?!

It’s helpful for me to remember that God does NOT say, “So whatever you do, do it perfectly.”
He says,

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 
1 Corinthians 10:31

For more on the topic of Perfection, refer to your copy of Parenting with Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.

Click here to see the rest of the “What my kids hear a lot!” Series

PS – Even as I’m proofing this post, the perfectionist in me is itching to make my humble attempt at the image more perfect.  But, guess what?  I’m gonna’ let it go!  🙂

The annual National Day of Prayer is a wonder time to pause and remember to be grateful for our great country and to lift it up in prayer. 

Creative ways to pray for America on this day or any day can be found at
www.commit2pray.com and www.nationaldayofprayer.org and include:

*Pray as a family the same prayer people will be praying all across the nation on May 1:
The 2014 National Prayer written by Anne Graham Lotz plus audio links  – Click here

*Record your prayer for America:
 From the website, “We want to hear from you! Call (719) 559-9566 to record your prayer for America!”

*Sign a declaration to commit to pray for America – Click here

*Download Prayer Guides and other materials for the National Day of Prayer – Click here

*A favorite idea I ran across is the Prayer balloon Launch Kit.  Click here.  This would be so much fun for families or church groups!   Make your own version by grabbing a few helium balloons at the grocery store, writing your family prayers for America on homemade tags to attach to the balloons, and launching them from your home!   

2014 National Day of Prayer Theme: One Voice, United in Prayer.  
“So that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  Romans 15:6

 For more on the topic of Prayer, see your copy of
Parenting with Scripture:  A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments.